The past two years have been a real blur, for me and my dear husband. You see 2020, was the start of our nightmares. We had only been married for 2 years and didn't see any problems ahead. We followed all the rules to how to avoid COVID, however something more sinister was lurking in the shadows. In September, our lives would change forever. My Michael had a heart attack, severe shouldn't survive. It is not normal for a 48 year old man to have a heart attack. To know Michael was to love him, he might have made me mad but at the end of the day he was mine. He was taken off of driving semi trucks which was his passion. As a wife, watching my husband struggling to navigate his new life was heartbreaking. I thought this was the end of our woes and little did I know this was just the beginning.
On halloween, I graduated with my masters in Journalism and traveled to the location that I did my capstone project on. My classroom was closed down that week due to a COVID exposure and I had displayed no symptoms. Once again, we did the whole quarantine thing. While we were there with my whole family we celebrated my Master's journey was the best celebration. However coming home, I started to feel under the weather and Mike did also. We went in and I was sent home with a sinus infection and Mike was sent to the next town to only be diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. This is when my role changed from wife to caregiver and I wasn't ready.
Care giver is a stressful job but if you love the person you take on this silent monster. There was several times I wanted to throw in the towel and it strained our marriage. Especially when finances had to get tight and it seemed like we couldn't get help. But we survived and with each other, we werent the perfect couple and honestly it would have been easy to quit. The following year was plagued with Cardiologist and er trips. Then I had the chance for a vacation, He urged me to go with my family and I did.
I enjoyed the vacation and it was the much needed break that I needed. However, it would be the one thing I would regret later. When I got back on my birthday, Mike started having trouble again. This time we discovered that he was in stage 2 renial failure, caused from his meds he was taking for Congestive Heart Failure. This broke my heart, I had a bad feeling that I couldn't shake. He came home with another dr. appointment, this was becoming our norm. He was home and I was continueing to work. The beginning of the year, I was working and to be honest I was exhausted. I was exposed to COVID about six different times, being scared I sent him away thinking I was protecting him. I would later regret this disision also. I started running the fever and all and knew what I had. It ran its course with me and I was ready to see Michael as I really missed him. I called him to beg him to come home and heard the desperation in his father's voice. Michael had fluid and it was seeping out of his legs and other parts, you can figure it out. Once again, that sick feeling came back as when he got to the ER he tested positive for COVID.
I had failed no matter what I did he had COVID, and I knew this wasn't going to be good. I listened on the phone to my husband who missed me and begged me to come home. His nights and days mixed up so I got texted at all hours of the night. However Feb 8,2022 was going to be the hardest day of my life. I talked to Mike who was now struggling to breathe, he was so tired that he texted me "I lOve you". I am a Christian who believes in a merciful God. I prayed Lord, heal him. At 2:45 am, God answered my prayer and took him home.
When talking to the hospital, all I wanted to do was see him I knew he was gone. The hospital said absolutely no. They were going to let me face time him and I thought it was just hurtful. After burying him, I have found little things he done to make sure I was ok. I will always miss him and the challenge is learning how to live again. COVID robbed me of closure and being able to say goodbye. Hold tight to your loved ones tell them you love them, and heaven forbid forgive them.
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